Sensory details are critical for bringing a story to life.
“Good writing is supposed to evoke sensation in the reader – not the fact that it’s raining, but the feel of being rained upon.” –E. L. Doctorow
BEYOND OUR PRIMARY SENSES
Humans use five main senses (eight if you add in proprioception, interoception, and intuition), which are our key physiological capacities for data perception. However, in most early writing, there is a tendency to focus on only two of these, sight and sound.
This is understandable. First off, sight and sound are senses that able-bodied humans use well and often. We primarily scan for danger by looking and listening. Also, when we are sitting in our nice comfy office or coffeehouse or wherever it is we write, it is easiest to visualize the setting we are describing in terms of what we can see or hear in our minds.
Sight tends to come first, as most people are visual creatures, but also because when entering the fictional (and sometimes non-fictional) setting, the author is generally “seeing” it for the first time, often through the eyes of a character we are still getting to know. When we see something for the first time, or enter unfamiliar territory, the first things we do is look around and get the lay of the land. We are also alert for sounds. After all, if something huge like a T-rex comes crashing through the forest in our direction, we need to be prepared to run.
But focusing on sight and sound alone, leaves the reader with the impression of the story taking place in a flat world. In order to expand the setting and infuse it with reality, it is important to consider the other senses. Touch, smell, taste, et al.
PAUSE AND IMMERSE
To do this, we need to pause long enough to immerse ourselves in the setting. This is not something most writers will want to do while writing initial drafts. Early drafts are for getting the words out onto the page, focusing on character development, and filling in plot holes. But, during the editing phase, you have the time to fold yourself into the character, much like a method actor does in developing a role, and to pause long enough to sort through the sensory details of smell and touch and taste and any other sensations that would surely be present in the setting.
Then it’s a simple matter of showing those sensory elements to the reader. In other words, describing them without the use of telling words like felt, tasted or smelled.
CHEKOV’S MOONLIT NIGHT
This is Chekov’s way of showing the moonlit night. The second phrase is the one that really shows rather than tells: “The dam, flooded with moonlight, showed not a bit of shade; on it, in the middle, the neck of a broken bottle glittered like a star.” –Anton Chekov, Hydrophobia
Chekov could have stopped at the semi-colon, but instead of just setting the stage for the moonlit dam, he showed us how it looked.
EXAMPLES
Here is an example of how I show smell in my WIP: “He’s road dust and diesel and that minty aftershave he loves so much.” –Sharon Skinner, Dating & Demons
Here’s another one that describes taste: “It burns my throat but cleans out the grit and quenches my thirst.” –Sharon Skinner, Dating & Demons
And one more for visceral sensation: “I glance up at her, afraid she can read the guilt that crawls all over me.” –Sharon Skinner, Dating & Demons
These types of descriptions help to ground the reader in the setting, making it more real and engaging, immersing the reader in the story in a way that becomes experiential.
RESHAPING IN EDITS
One way to catch and edit out telling bits and reshape them into descriptions that show is to use the find feature of your word processing software and look for sensory telling words like smell, taste, look, or feel. It isn’t necessary to remove every instance of these words, but by looking at where they have been used, and reshaping the prose to work without them, you can add depth to your setting and turn your story into a memorable journey for readers.
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